Stop right there! Have you read my about me page yet? If not, I suggest checking that out first so you can get a little background about who I am before diving into this post.
I went back and forth with what I wanted to write my first official blog post about, but I finally decided on this one. I’m not going to lie, I felt like I was writing an online dating profile of sorts when I outlined and drafted this post. So that’s what I went with as I wrote it, I acted as if I was writing a dating profile for you, my readers. I’ve summarized the 3 things I think you need to know if we’re going to make this whole blog writer and blog reader relationship work. So let’s get into it-
1. I’m still recovering from an eating disorder
…and I will be for years to come. People are always very surprised to hear that I battled an eating disorder (ED) and compulsive exercise because I never physically looked like what most people traditionally associate with what someone with an ED looks like (bones showing, emaciated, etc.). FYI- Eating disorders are not “one size fits all”, they occur in people of all shapes and sizes. I have always lived in a larger body, so when I started losing weight and dropping dress sizes, I immediately received praise about my outward appearance from almost everyone I came in contact with.
Little did these people know that although I looked “healthy” I was anything but. I put quotes around the word healthy because, from what I have personally experienced and learned, true health isn’t determined by your size and looks different for every individual person. Case in point, when I was at my smallest size I was at my unhealthiest physically, spiritually, and mentally. Although people could see the physical changes in my body they couldn’t see that I lost my period because I wasn’t eating enough to produce a menstrual cycle, they couldn’t see my extreme binges that happened in result of depriving myself of the food I so desperately craved, they couldn’t see the exhaustion I felt after pushing myself to extremes in the gym for hours on end multiple times a day, or how red and raw my skin got after I would stand in the mirror for hours on end poking, pulling, and prodding at every square inch of my body.
I’ve come a long way in the last year but still have a long road ahead of me. My ED consumed my whole life — this made me lose friendships, damage relationships with my family members, and fall to the lowest point in my life. This has been a year of healing and learning on all levels (mental, physical, and spiritual). I’ve learned more about myself in the last year than I have in my entire life. I’ve had to repair those broken and damaged relationships not only with family and friends, but also with myself. With the help of therapy and sessions with a Dietitian, that process is well on it’s way.
I would be lying if I said that life is all unicorns and rainbows in recovery– it’s far from that. Sure, I have really good days, weeks, and months where I rarely think about food or my body, but I also have really bad days, weeks, and months where I’m consumed with ED thoughts. Recovery is not linear. I used to be so hard on myself for having a rough patch, but now I have come to realize that those rough patches are the perfect time to investigate my thoughts and feelings, diving deeper into healing my relationships with food, exercise, and my body.
I didn’t write this section to get sympathy or pity, I wrote this section because I believe this is something you absolutely need to know about me if you’re going to read my blog. Like I’ve said before, I’m going to write about the ups, the downs, and all the in betweens– which will include my journey to recovery. Talking openly about my ED is as much of a learning process for me as it will be for you, so let’s do some learning together!
2. I believe everything happens for a reason
I’ve always said that my life should be a reality show from the amount of crazy stuff I’ve experienced. But it’s funny, when I look back at all the experiences in my life they’ve all lead me to be the person I am today, my true and authentic self (so cliche I know).
“Everything happens for a reason” has been my life mantra since before I can remember, so much so that I even have an Alex and Ani bracelet I wear everyday with the saying on it! I know some people will roll their eyes or say “Ok Becca, but what about the bad stuff?” Bad, good, or somewhere in the middle, everything happens for a reason.
I think back to when I was bullied as a kid and how I never thought any good would come of that, yet here I am at age 25 saying that those experiences happened for a reason, a good reason. I learned to be a more accepting and less judgmental person because of those events.
When I started recovery from my eating disorder, I changed. My passions changed, my dreams changed, my actions and thoughts towards others changed. I accepted Christ into my life and felt His peace for the first time. Who would have ever thought that experiencing something as earth shaking as an eating disorder would bring me peace and happiness.
I understand that not everyone agrees with me on this and I’m not asking you to hop on the “everything happens for a reason” train, but I want you to understand that when I write about experiences in my life I’m coming from a place of growth, a place of acceptance, and a place of peace.
3. I’m an open book
If you couldn’t tell already, I’m one of the most open books you’ll ever meet. Like I’ve written before, everything happens for a reason and I wholeheartedly believe that my life experiences weren’t meant to be kept a secret. I’m not ashamed of what has happened to me– I believe I was put on this earth to share my experiences with the world, to help make people feel less alone and to aid others in learning about things they may not understand. I’m not here to stand on a soap box and lecture people, telling them what they should or shouldn’t believe, I’m simply here to share my stories in the hopes of bringing awareness, love, happiness, laughter and healing to the people who want to listen (or in this case, read). I admit, that’s a bold thought, but a girl can dream can’t she?
That’s all she wrote…
So there you have it, Becca in a nutshell! I hope you’ll continue to follow along as I document this crazy beautiful thing we call life. I promise you my posts won’t always be this personal and serious (if you knew me in real life you’d know I’m a huge goofball), I just needed to lay it all out there so you could understand where I’m coming from. I’m heading to New York City at the end of this week to visit my best friend, so stay tuned for my next post documenting my trip to the big apple!