I wrote this letter in February of 2017 while reading Rebecca Scritchfield‘s book “Body Kindness” . In the beginning of the book she lists the steps of the “Body Kindness Cleanse” (the only cleanse you will ever see me doing). The first step she lists in this cleanse is to “break up with your scale”. In my mind, I had already broken up with my scale as, at that point, I hadn’t weighed myself in 9 months, but Rebecca instructed readers to write a letter to their scales- I hesitantly accepted her writing exercise.
I thought writing a letter to an inanimate object sounded silly, but as I started writing to the object that ruled my life for so long, I felt a release of the negativity and self-judgement I had been carrying on my shoulders for longer than I can remember. It was so liberating.
Whether you’ve struggled with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or body image, I hope this letter makes you feel less alone in your journey to accept and love yourself just the way you are.
It’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other and I’m here to report that we will never meet again. Although you may be upset to hear this news, I could not be more at peace with my decision to abandon you.
For so long you had such a firm grasp on me. You were both my best friend and my worst enemy. I found my self-worth in you. I found joy in you.
You determined my happiness. I looked to you to tell me I was enough. I looked to you to tell me I was beautiful. But all I ever ended up with was feeling disappointment and sadness.
I was never good enough for you. No matter what number I reached and no matter how much I loved you, you never loved me back.
I’m proud to say that I have finally found happiness with someone else, myself. I discovered that I love myself more than I ever loved you.
It turns out I didn’t need you like I thought I did. It turns out you actually did more harm than good. I will no longer subject myself to your judgement. I will no longer allow you to taunt me, because I know I am both full and complete without you.
So goodbye forever my fair-weather friend. You will most definitely not be missed.
No longer your obedient servant,
So there you have it- a letter to the piece of technology that I once allowed to rule my life.
My next step in breaking up with my scale is smashing it with a hammer…really…I’m not kidding. I’ve been looking for the opportune time to have my “scale smash” and I think the timing feels right, right now. Smashing my scale is a big deal for me.
I used to obsessively weigh myself morning and night. Nitpicking at everything I lost or gained. When I lost, it was never enough. When I gained, it was too much. I found myself in an unhealthy cycle of basing my happiness on what the scale told me- always leaving me feeling empty and unworthy. After talking extensively with my Therapist and Dietitian, I realized I no longer needed to look for my self-worth and happiness in what the scale told me. I instead started to find happiness in smiling, laughing, spending time with family and friends, and doing the things I love.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or body image, I encourage you to reach out to someone. Whether it’s a family member, friend, Therapist, non-diet approach Dietitian or NEDA staff member- they will be able to help you.
I know how isolating and lonely an ED can be, but trust me when I say that when you choose recovery the isolation slowly starts to dissipate and you will step into the sun again. You don’t have to stay at war with yourself. You are enough.
Thank you so much for reading this post. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
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