For the past 4 years I’ve been single and for roughly 2 of those years I’ve been unapologetically single. You may be wondering “what does being unapologetically single even mean”? Well, it means exactly how it sounds- not expressing regret for being single and that includes not only to the world, but also to yourself. Now don’t think this post is just for you, single people- that’s right, it’s also for people who are in relationships! I can guarantee you that if you aren’t unapologetically single yourself, you know someone who is.
Before I get into my personal story of being unapologetically single, let’s take a step back and see where I got the idea for this post in the first place…
The two women I look up to most in life are my mom and her mom, my Grandma Helen. Both of these women have defied all odds when the world threw some serious punches their way- not only that but they are also fearlessly and unapologetically single.
These inspiring women continued living their lives despite the fact that they didn’t have a significant other by their side. My grandfather passed away early in life and my parents got a divorce- but that didn’t stop my mom and grandma from traveling the world, working full-time, retiring, checking things off their bucket lists, and living their lives on their own terms. If I end up being half of the woman my mom and Grandma Helen are, I will have accomplished something truly wonderful.
Life May Not Go As Planned
At the ripe age of 25, the majority of my friends are either married, engaged, or in committed relationships, so where does that leave me?….still single.
For some reason when I was a kid I thought by the age of 25 I would be married and planning for kids. Actually, just 4 short years ago I thought I would be married by now. I was in a serious relationship with someone and I was convinced there were weddings bells in our future. As you can tell from the title of this post, that worked out really well for me…:) hahaha
I’m not going to lie, when that relationship ended I thought my life was over- I had bet all my money on that relationship working out. But, I was a completely different person back then- I lacked self confidence, didn’t believe I was beautiful, let people walk all over me, let people bully me, bullied myself, and didn’t think much of myself in general. In the days following that break up I distinctly remember thinking, “who would ever be able to bring themselves to love someone like me?” I saw myself as nothing but damaged goods.
Although it took 4 years, I eventually came to see and understand how powerful and strong I am all on my own. Just like my Mom and Grandma, I started chasing my dreams and living life on my own terms, not someone else’s.
Don’t assume I’m looking
The first question people always ask me if I haven’t seen them in awhile is “how’s your love life? Any new guys to tell me about?!” (Insert eye roll here)
I always immediately laugh when I’m asked any question about my love life because I think it’s funny people automatically assume that I’m looking for someone. *GASP* A single girl in her mid-twenties not looking for a relationship? Who is she? What planet is she from? I would like to take this time to send a personal PSA to the entire world: Just because I’m 25 and single doesn’t mean I’m looking for a relationship! Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
I feel like in this day and age women and men, women especially, are strongly encouraged and almost forced to find “the one” as soon as they can (bonus points if you find them in college, or even better, high school). And if you’re not with someone, you have to be looking for them.
I don’t know about the other unapologetically single people out there, but I don’t have the time or energy to devote to a romantic relationship, let alone put in the energy to look for someone to be in a relationship with in the first place. Between working full-time, going to school part-time, maintaining this blog, continuing my eating disorder recovery, and attempting to have a social life, I don’t have a lot of brain space to devote to someone else. I’ve come to realize that in this season of my life, I’m supposed to be investing all my time and energy into myself, not trying to worry about sharing it with someone else. Some might see that as selfish, but I don’t. I’m taking this time to get to know and love myself even more. Because through this time of discovery I’ve realized that I have to love myself before I can attempt to love someone else.
Also, don’t assume I don’t ever want to be in a relationship or that I’m swearing off relationships for good. Keep in mind that this post is being written by a girl who spends a ridiculous amount of time pinning to her wedding board on Pinterest! 🙂 Of course I want to get married and have kids one day, but that’s just not where I’m at right now. This chapter of my life is telling the story of me being single and at some point this chapter will close and another will begin. Being single at this point in my life isn’t the end of my story by any means.
Don’t feel bad for me
When I go out with my friends who just so happen to be a couple or with a group of friends that are already in relationships I always seem to imagine I have a big neon sign pointing to my head that reads, “Be gentle with her, she’s single”. Not even kidding, I’ve had wait staff at restaurants literally say “Awww, I’m so sorry” once they learn I’m third wheeling it or the only single one in the group. I’ll say this once and once only, don’t feel bad for me because I’m single.
Like I mentioned earlier, people in this day and age have a distorted belief about what being single means. Most people seem to automatically assume that anyone they meet who is single, especially women, is desperate to get into a relationship. This may be true for some people, but it is definitely not true for me.
Let me remind you that it is 2017, so if I wanted to go on a date and meet someone I could easily download one of the hundreds of dating apps, start talking to someone, and go out with them. Remember that I, along with many other people around the world, are making the decision to be unapologetically single. Don’t feed bad for us, end of story.
I Regret Nothing
I feel like a lot of people are ashamed to admit they’re single- they may say they’re “talking to a few people” because they think that’s better than actually admitting they’re single. If you couldn’t already tell from this post, I have no problem telling people I’m single.
I don’t regret making the choices I’ve made over the last 4 years because I’ve been focusing on me. I’ve focused on my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. I’ve focused on loving myself. I’ve focused on following my dreams. I’ve focused on figuring myself out.
I wholeheartedly believe that if I had jumped into a relationship immediately after getting my heart broken 4 years ago, I wouldn’t be anywhere close to writing this post. But yet here I am, 4 years later, and I’ve got a lot to look back on and a lot to look forward to. Starting this journey in a place of hate and shame and now being in a place of empowerment and feeling whole, I wouldn’t trade these last 4 years for anything.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes of all time,
“And you, you scare people because you are whole all by yourself” – Lauren Alex Hooper
What do you love about being unapologetically single? What do you love about the people you know who are unapologetically single? Let me know!
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